Where Soul Meets Body

So I'm revising a paper that's due this week. We have to turn in a rough draft, critique our classmate's rough drafts and then turn in the final at the end. Not to toot my own horn but I can write the hell out of a paper if it's something I'm passionate about. And the class is Social Theory which is the one class that's been keeping me sane all semester. So, I really didn't bother reading my classmate's responses to my papers because if their work is any indication of their suggestions, it's craptastic. The first paper I critiqued floored me because it was a hot mess of spelling/grammatical/common sense errors.
But just for kicks, I decided to read the critique and WOW I'm annoyed. This chick marked my paper up like it was Christmas, putting random ass parentheses where they DON'T belong...and then on the second page she spews some BS about how I need more examples. And she mispelled hierarchy. I mean I know it's not that much of a biggie but don't critique my paper and tell me I need this and that when it's a rough draft and I KNOW what I need to do. And if you're going to critique me, maybe run a spell check. Mmkay thanks.

So I'm currently in the library working on my communication theory paper and I'm starting to kind of freak myself out because...I'm kind of liking what I'm doing. My paper is going to analyze agenda setting theory (basically how the media frames what the public considers important/relevant) and the theory's role in negative/selective coverage of issues in Africa. I was kind of inspired by a story on NPR that talked about how everyone is familiar with Darfur but equally traumatizing events are unfolding in Somalia and other areas in Africa.
Today in thesis one of my classmates did her presentation on sensationalist media coverage and how framing affects our lives...and just thinking about how most people know who Octomom and Brad and Angelina Jolie are while other equally and supremely more relevant/important issues take the back burner.
Anywho, the more I think about it, the more I want to do this for my jobby job. It would be really awesome to work for a research institute and just spend all day in the library/researching/giving out surveys and going to conferences. But I kind of feel like I need to work on the discipline thing...I've known about this paper since August but other than outlining it and picking articles, I'm just now buckling down and working on it. Procrastination is a dear, dear, friend of mine.
Also rocking out to the Twilight soundtrack. Try to mask your jealousy. :)

Betcha by golly wow. There's a lot going on and I'm still madly, completely, unicorn but it's frightening because I keep remembering how awful things were when they were bad...and when we didn't talk-and how much it hurt to call him and get no answer. Even though I definitely played a part in the end of things it still sucked balls. And the guilt just made matters worse. But just talking to you...even if we just end up being friends...it feels just like Christmas.
I can't believe turkey day is thursday, that blows my mind. hate to say i'm not looking forward to spending it with mi familia...i am looking forward to volunteering though. and thanksgiving means i'm that much closer to the end of the semester. and papers. and camping out in the library.

So went to see twilight last night. and whoa...bc it wasn't the trainwreck i was expecting..it actually was kind of good. i'm going to blame my likeyness of it on my weakened emotional state. bc i must be cuckoo bc i called my ex after the movie. bad idea.

I just did something.
It'll probably make things worse.
But goddamn it...I miss you.
And I just want Christopher Lloyd to take me back, because I would do things so differently.

If one more skinny ass nurse rolls into here and acts like whip creme or having a cookie with their non fat latte is going to make them mordantly obese by making comments like, "I know I don't need it!" I'm going to spontaneously combust. Fo real. I mean I'm standing right here, an honest to goodness fat chick and you're maybe half of one of me and you're talking like you're one sip away from cardiac arrest.
*Note-this isn't skinny bashing...this is annoyance at people making a weight related joke/quip b/c we live in a society where we're all pushed to diet, prode, exercise to achieve an ideal-and even when you reach said ridiculous ideal, you have to continually do shit to keep it up...which leads to a vicious, time consuming, self degrading, endless cycle of fucked upness.

Blah. 7pm isn't getting here quick enough

Dear Craigslist shoppers,
Don't waste people's time if you're buying a used item from Craigslist and expecting it to look like it just rolled off of JcPenney's sale floor. I originally bought the lamp for $90 ON SALE and was selling it for $30. It has a small (i'm talking a millimeter, if that) cosmetic break on the inside of the shade which is virtually invisible unless Nancy Drew is inspecting it. I mean yall if you saw what this woman was whining about it would make you laugh. If you want something in pristine condition, buy new...not on Craigslist. Don't waste your time/gas or the seller's.
<3,
tricia

Flash Forward was pure niftyness tonight. Keiko has to be the most likable character on the show imo...which is kinda sad since they're on eppy 9. It's generally a great concept-the world blacks out for a couple of minutes with most people flashing forward to the future...some seeing shitty things, some seeing wonderful things and some people seeing nothing (which means they bite it...or do they? :) Big questions like fate and self determination are at play...do we have control or is someone pulling the strings?
I'm finishing up on some theory homework then hitting the hay...tomorrow should be a busy busy day...class, work, and then the Twilight is happening with some amigas. Not to mention pay day yay! Even though most of my check is gone before I even see it:( But I'm going thrifting saturday and I'm debating buying this from ze etsy:



this chick has some Amazing headbands as well so i will share le love:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/kaang

Buenos noches.

And I miss you, I miss you every single day...

So there's someone...that I used to have the biggest, all consuming, irrational crush on. And I saw them today...and while I was pretty certain that I was and am over them and have let go of the silly fantasy in my head, we hugged and it was Criminology all over again. And the more I think about it, it's not even a crush on the person per se...I'm crushing on their personality-their confidence, their kick ass attitude and ability to relate to complete strangers.

Last night at Darts I kicked myself for hours because I retreated in my shell..and I almost did shots but I don't want to be that person that has to be drunk to be outgoing and have a good time. I feel like there's this person that's on the inside of me that's screaming to get out but for whatever reason, I bury her. I think that's the biggest thing I hated about Galaxy. I worked with all of these awesome, progressive, indie peeps...and I'm no idiot, I'm engaged in politics and popular culture, can name the most obscure bands you've never heard of, and I can quote Thoreau, Tarantino and Marx. But when I was around them I felt like I was back in middle school and completely out of my league. Which is ridiculous. And irrational. But it's how I felt.

And that's why when I hugged the person a little bit ago all of these emotions went coursing through me. I have zero romantic interest in the person...but I'm in love with the idea of finally putting myself out there...screw you if you don't like it. Or something like that. And that all my life I told myself if I was thinner, or more outgoing, or this or that I would have access to this whole new whatever...I get so caught up in what other people will think that I'm letting it rule my life. As much as I'd like to think that I've fully accepted myself as I am and I can truly let my hair down and be happy, I'm mostly kidding myself. If all the world's a stage, I'm stuck in the wings.

It feels like friday...and I have homework coming out of my patootie...I just can't focus to save my life.
I should probably stop watching Grey's. I was adamantly anti GA since it's conception but by golly...I want to have Sandra Oh's babies.
Darts tonight...which means drinkage...which means I probably won't get anything done tonight. But I have the day off tomorrow-keep hope alive! :)

So we're on eppy 3 of V and I'm starting to feel kind of meh about it...and they killed off Wash (Alan Tudyk)and it broke my heart. I'll prob stick it out because I'm a sucker for punishment...and who knows? It might surprise me.
In other tv-aholic news, The Prisoner is friggin awesome....Sir Ian can do no wrong and the writing and images are on point. Good television is better than sex.
Not looking forward to classes and work tomorrow...my days off go by entirely too quick. In other news...I'm pretty lucky. That is all. :)

So there's a story that's been breaking my heart. I know that bad shit happens everyday but this is really getting to me. And I'm starting to think it's a good thing...because the moment we become desensitized and stop caring about the shitty, shitty, world we live in we're just robots. And the fact that caring, compassion, and empathy are CLEARLY attributes this poor little girl's mother severely lacks.
Here's a excerpt about Shaniya Davis:
"The body of missing 5-year-old Shaniya Nicole Davis was recovered Monday afternoon, Fayetteville Police Chief Tom Bergamine said. The child was first reported missing from her home by her mother last Tuesday morning. On Friday, Mario Andrette McNeill, 29, was charged with first-degree kidnapping, and late Saturday, her mother, Antoinette Nicole Davis, 25, was arrested on accusations that she prostituted her daughter."
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/11/16/crimesider/entry5671683.shtml

A lot of commenters on the articles I've read online are calling for the mother and all people involved to be hanged, drawn, and quartered and there's a primal part of me that agrees...but that really doesn't solve the issue. Stories like this are so shocking because of the brutality and sadness that people can do this to a little kid...but we forget that there are so many Shaniya's...here and abroad who are forced into the sex trade and raped, abused and robbed of their childhood. Using the term 'slavery' freaks so many people out because it was such a dark time in our countries history and we like to think in the modern world atrocities like slavery don't happen anymore. But you would be dead wrong.

So to honor Shaniya I'm going to make a donation to a non profit that dedicates itself to fighting human trafficking. And even though right now is a crazy busy time in the semester I'm going to see if I can find a local org that works to fight this injustice... So if you can google child trafficking and at least educate yourself, find a non profit that speaks to you that fights it, donate, write your representative...do SOMETHING.

Watching Serenity...I hate that I'll never be able to look at it the same way again...

If you could send some good vibrations my way...applied for a internship working with NC Harm Reduction Coalition that would be grand. They do really awesome work and it would be a pretty fantabulous experience (hopefully).
Also this dress is THE. SEX.
http://www.evans.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=20554&storeId=12553&categoryId=166485&parent_category_rn=69555&productId=1424587&langId=-1
And I know that I'm talking about money woes but a girl can dream right? :)

So I had quite the surprise when I checked my Geico account today to see how much I needed to pay this month. "Your auto policy was canceled on 11/05/2009."
Say What???
This was kind of confusing because I remember going to pay it around Halloween...I remember that I was running errands with a friend on Capital blvd and I only had cash on me and that the receptionist reminded me that Geico only takes checks or money orders and I didn't want to drive all the way back to my apt and get my checkbook or go to the bank/gas station to get a money order (which thinking back now, the inconvenience of leaving and coming back definitely outweighs the inconvenience of apparently driving around uninsured and having to reinstate my friggin policy)...so my friend offers to write a check and i can give them the cash and problem solved. Right?
Since the check was returned for 'insufficient funds' I call my friend up to find out what the eff is going on...and apparently someone stole his debit card and has been going to town, causing everything to bounce from here to kingdom come.
After finding that out, I call Geico and tell them what happened and what would I need to do to reinstate my shit? Which is when I find out all I have to do now is pay $250 since they've increased my premium for lapsing. Which is a pretty big damn deal since before I was paying around $100. What. The. Eff.
And because my stupid Lizard checks have been CRAP since it changed ownership and I've been getting paid oddly + I quit Galaxy AND I just got a new car so I've been paying payments on that....I definitely don't have $250 that I can just pull out of my butthole.
After considering my options-'borrowing' the money from the register, selling my kidneys, pawning shit...I decide that even though I absolutely, positively, HATE doing it, I should prob see if I can borrow it from my family.
So I make the dreaded call...and my gma gives me this long spiel about how everyone wants a piece of her lately and this is what happens when you don't pray (Thanks Jesus!) and she'll talk to my aunt and uncle and see if they can get it. It's just so frustrating because I've been doing so well lately...paying all my own bills and I haven't asked for help in SOOO long...and then when I need help I just get a guilt trip/sermon. I call my mom and get the same bs really...even though when I talked to her a few days ago and she was out christmas shopping and getting her nail/hair done and she just got a promotion at work.
The whole thing just leaves a sour ass taste in my mouth. But what else can I do? I could potentially lose the car if the dealership/bank finds out I'm driving around uninsured, NC DMV will make me pay a shit ton of fees if they get wind of it, and now I'm going to be paranoid as hell that any moment someone will T-bone me and I'm pretty much screwed.
Being an adult blows.

Love stinks.

I could have made this an angry post. I could talk about how sorry I am and how I would do a million things differently. But I would hope that anyone that really knows me would know me well enough to know that I'm not completely heartless and that I am sorry for any wrongs I have done. Maybe me being truthful was a mistake but I can't change what I did and I can't live in the past because if I do, I'll become a friendless homicidal hermit and that's bad news for everyone.
So in the spirit of new beginnings I'm wiping the slate clean and starting over. I'm not sure what the future holds for me but it's going to be awesome. Because even though I'm kind of a shitty girlfriend/fiance/whatever and I'm a flake...at the end of the day I have awesome friends that forgive me even though I fall off the face of the earth. I have an awesome support network and I thank the gods for them. Because let me tell yall, and I learned this the hard way, romance can come and go...but great friends last forever.
So I'm still the same awesome girl, a little sadder, but a shit ton wiser and better for my experiences. And I'm still gonna take the world by storm.
Here goes nothing...

Communication Theory makes Patricia want to shoot herself in the face.


Don't get me wrong...I didn't expect pyrotechnics and riveting material--but I also didn't expect my professor's lectures to consist of the text from our book-verbatim-on a powerpt-for 50 minutes. Which may not seem like that long...but I swear, it's the longest 50 minutes of my life.

Which is why social theory is such a pleasant surprise...my professor is actually engaging, expands on the material and we're talking about Marx, who is pretty much my new BFF.

I was gonna chop my hair off but I think I've decided to withgo it for now...I'm having a pretty good hair day and I'm kind of curious to see myself with long-ish hair. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. :)

If September doesn't get it's behind here ASAP I may just burst...soooo excited about Cali!!