Where Soul Meets Body

So I'm teaching myself HTML.

Just finished watching Battlestar Galactica: The Plan. I have to say, the rumors of epic badness and unnecessariness are true.

A synopsis of BSG: The Plan can be found here.

Memorable moment from BSG: The Plan-Cavil stabbing a little kid. Oh and Six giving him a handjob.



Shudder.

So I broke down and called my grandma and asked to borrow some money.  Surprisingly, I didn't get a sermon or the Prodigal son story.  I started crying and telling her how hard things have been lately with scrapping together change and living off my tips and she said something that is my motto for the day-
"Don't ever think you're alone patricia."
So I'm going over there after work to pick up some money for gas and things and she'll probably peddle lots of food off on me as well...no complaints there...

AND I'm doing pretty well tipwise too.  I had to pass on going to a  meetup because of money but hopefully i'll be in a good enough place so I can at least see Daybreakers on Tuesday.

Listening to The Killers and I'm already filling 20x better.  When I don't think about life and how I'll probably be right back here in 2 weeks.  But all I can focus on is trying to find a second job and budgeting money better.

Also...Jezebel=Love:

http://jezebel.com/5443738/why-do-the-smartest-women-have-the-toughest-time-dating-because-we-deal-with-idiots

I don't want rationality.  I want to become a carnie and smoke Camels and drink tequila and laugh about the people that throw their money away at the rigged games.  I want enlightenment.  I want a better job.  I want to bitchslap a politician.  I want to play Settlers until my fingers rot off.  I want to graduate without taking a bunch of bullshit classes.  I want a college do over.  I want to get in my car and just drive until I run out of gas.  I want to work in a diner.  I want to shoot a gun.  I want to move somewhere no one knows my name.  I don't want your apologies.  And I don't want your sympathy.
The only thing keeping me back is myself.

Good news: Talked to one of my bff's from highschool...it was amazingly awesome that we reconnected and meshed like it hadn't been 2+ years since we chatted.

My computer crapped out on me but they saved my documents! So my magnum opus is still in tact as well as a paper due this semester.

I'm taking karate this semester!

Found a rpg meetup group in Raleigh and I might actually dabble in Vampire again...it was really fun the couple of times I did it, aside from the creepy GM and the fact that he scheduled game sessions that lasted 10+ hours.


Bad news: Hi, my name is Tricia and I hold onto grudges. Like whoa. Even when I claim I want to hang out with MIA friends. To the point when they casually drop back in my life I can't help but be a wet blanket. Pride is my achilles heel I do believe. 

I need a better job. Or a second job. I'm starting a mentoring job-y thing a few days a week sometime soon but it's only 4 hours a week, which is good but far from what I need. There has to be SOMETHING. Maybe prostitution. Because this living from paycheck to paycheck thing just isn't working out. Especially since it has become books for next semester vs. food.

Some days I feel like I need to be institutionalized. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I do something really psychotic like run some poor soul off the road or chunk a potful of boiling hot coffee on someone.


"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart..."

So I'm revising a paper that's due this week. We have to turn in a rough draft, critique our classmate's rough drafts and then turn in the final at the end. Not to toot my own horn but I can write the hell out of a paper if it's something I'm passionate about. And the class is Social Theory which is the one class that's been keeping me sane all semester. So, I really didn't bother reading my classmate's responses to my papers because if their work is any indication of their suggestions, it's craptastic. The first paper I critiqued floored me because it was a hot mess of spelling/grammatical/common sense errors.
But just for kicks, I decided to read the critique and WOW I'm annoyed. This chick marked my paper up like it was Christmas, putting random ass parentheses where they DON'T belong...and then on the second page she spews some BS about how I need more examples. And she mispelled hierarchy. I mean I know it's not that much of a biggie but don't critique my paper and tell me I need this and that when it's a rough draft and I KNOW what I need to do. And if you're going to critique me, maybe run a spell check. Mmkay thanks.

So I'm currently in the library working on my communication theory paper and I'm starting to kind of freak myself out because...I'm kind of liking what I'm doing. My paper is going to analyze agenda setting theory (basically how the media frames what the public considers important/relevant) and the theory's role in negative/selective coverage of issues in Africa. I was kind of inspired by a story on NPR that talked about how everyone is familiar with Darfur but equally traumatizing events are unfolding in Somalia and other areas in Africa.
Today in thesis one of my classmates did her presentation on sensationalist media coverage and how framing affects our lives...and just thinking about how most people know who Octomom and Brad and Angelina Jolie are while other equally and supremely more relevant/important issues take the back burner.
Anywho, the more I think about it, the more I want to do this for my jobby job. It would be really awesome to work for a research institute and just spend all day in the library/researching/giving out surveys and going to conferences. But I kind of feel like I need to work on the discipline thing...I've known about this paper since August but other than outlining it and picking articles, I'm just now buckling down and working on it. Procrastination is a dear, dear, friend of mine.
Also rocking out to the Twilight soundtrack. Try to mask your jealousy. :)

Betcha by golly wow. There's a lot going on and I'm still madly, completely, unicorn but it's frightening because I keep remembering how awful things were when they were bad...and when we didn't talk-and how much it hurt to call him and get no answer. Even though I definitely played a part in the end of things it still sucked balls. And the guilt just made matters worse. But just talking to you...even if we just end up being friends...it feels just like Christmas.
I can't believe turkey day is thursday, that blows my mind. hate to say i'm not looking forward to spending it with mi familia...i am looking forward to volunteering though. and thanksgiving means i'm that much closer to the end of the semester. and papers. and camping out in the library.

So went to see twilight last night. and whoa...bc it wasn't the trainwreck i was expecting..it actually was kind of good. i'm going to blame my likeyness of it on my weakened emotional state. bc i must be cuckoo bc i called my ex after the movie. bad idea.